Ezekiel Recapitulated

This world creates such hearts of stone

Hammered and deformed, each blow gives shape to self idolatry

We who could contain a universe within, we who might affect a universe without

Instead revolve around ourselves

Our pain becomes a center and we like little moons

We whirl so fast around our own egos, the faces around us become a blur

We cannot see the personhood clearly anymore and so we create them into characters of our own imaginings

Our antagonists and protagonists

Rotating roles as we see fit

And always ourselves at the heart of the drama

Misunderstood as we misunderstand, persecuted as we persecute, villains fighting our supposed foes

It would be a dark comedy if it were not so awfully sad

It would be the worst tragedy if this were the end of the show

But there is still time

We can call an intermission

We can burn the props and start anew

We can let Him make the deeper cut and pull those hearts of stone from our bleeding chests

And we will have new hearts and a new spirit and see clearly our brothers and sisters, and even ourselves with unscaled eyes

Then will the curtain rise anew as the great Theodrama begins

And as we take our rightful places upon the stage for what will be the most beautiful act of all

The former, that great and secret show will pass away

And we will be revolutionized

Becoming we we really are, who we were meant to be all along

No spotlight needed now, no curtain calls

We are no longer actors in a puesdo play, no longer endlessly rolling stones up hills, but full participants in the Real

For we will have become the living stones- building a spiritual house of ourselves, building up the city of New Jerusalem, building up our home.

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Jonah Reprise

I have spent too long in the belly of this whale

Not swallowed for my stubbornness

But entering in of my own accord

Decked out in my finest apparel of pretense, posturing and pride

I crawled in on that thick, red tongue, rolled out like a golden globe carpet

Then I huddled in the sultry cave of blue mammal mountain for thirty years

The air around me grew heavy with the reek of my cowardice and I grew long and strange as a hermit’s beard-wrapped in my selfish isolation

Stinking now, I roll in the rot of wasted time, wasted abilities, wasted gifts

My mind is haunted by the world outside- teaming with shoal upon shoal of human suffering

Their cries reaching me even in my encasement. Echoes and reverberations tear through the flesh around me.

Not dissipating, but amplified as they bounce off the concavity of rounded ribs. Piercing and pathetic

All those quick darting things from whence these pitiable cries do come.

Outside in the halide, mindlessly following the current of societal events

The pull of convergence makes them slaves of global oscillations

But even as they are swept along, they desperately search for the great upwelling of something more

I would leave this place now. I would be spat out to enter into the deeper waters

Allowing for submission before Nineveh is lost

I would swim with these weird fishes and bring what comfort I may

In the moments I have left to give, I would give myself away. I would put aside my ego drama and feed your fishes of myself.

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Beauty itself

I fall in love with words, not people

My heart aches for verse

I hang onto a beautiful chorus in my head at night

And lay in bed and dream of verbal interplay

My affection for poets, profound speakers, writers of stories and songs is boundless

I love them unabashedly for the magic they create

My reciprocal appreciation connects me in a truer way than flesh could ever allow

I have no wish to make a physicalΒ  presence or meet my cerebral suitors

I love them from afar while they remain wholly ignorant of the tryst we are entangled in

I am quite silly I know

But of the four, a true philia ( even one sided) holds my heart closer and I would send eros away

Because I know, as I dance alone to music at night

Twirling in my kitchen preparations for my family’s dinner

That my phantom partner, keeping step so perfectly, the one behind every verse, every song, every glorious chapter

Has always been, shall always be You

I used to waste my time chasing the people who pull the golden threads, the music makers and dreamers of dreams-but now I love them for what they really are

Conduits for Beauty

And I reserve my heart and my true passion for Beauty itself.

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Cephalic superior

I find it disturbing and sad

An octopus mother sacrifices her life so she may ensure her progeny will live

While a human mother will sacrifice her progeny to ensure she may continue to live as she likes

I find this sad and disturbing

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Ghost

Yesterday I was a ghost

Trailing up and down the halls

In and out of rooms in a house I never lived in

And as I passed my day in my own home, with my own family

Noone even suspected the wraith they were interacting with

In-between the past and present

Existing in the walls of life

I don’t belong anywhere

But that was yesterday

Today I am here, today I can make myself present

Today I am redeemed and I remember that I am yours

You called me by name and pulled me from the darkness

I belong with you

Don’t let me dissappear inside myself. Please.

Don’t let me fade away

I would rather die with you

Than be that living ghost again

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Ineffable

That little boy could not fit the ocean in his hole dug in the sand

But, what if instead of trying to fill a hole, we became like the beach

Allowing that tide of truth and beauty to rush in and out over us

And what is meant to permeate will permeate based on our own permeability

And the rest will recede back into the vastness

Only to return again and again in its own time

We cannot hold on to the unfathomable truth of all

But in our submission, it will wash over us

And for that moment, we will sparkle and shine in the ineffable beauty

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Indelible

As it was my right as mother

To relinquish all my rights to Our Father

I laid you out like loaves, 1, 2, 3, 4, at the foot of the cross

Down at the alter

What was given to me, despite my wretched iniquity

Given back as so many of those women before me had done

And each of you was marked for Him

For His purposes, to serve as He would see fit

Indelible

You are marked

You were one thing-as I was-and now you are another

Remade into the light

And those who seek to destroy the light may now seek to destroy the light in you

Evil may seek you out, darkness may pursue you

But the darkness cannot overcome the light and evil will not take you

Because The One to whom you now belong has already overcome

And He has triumphed over all evil, darkness, death, and the world.

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The pine tree

How easily you give yourself to me

Breaking away in my hands like shale

Housing a universe within your layers

Sharing your life within and without

Passing your breath to me as I pass mine to you

Cyclical

Inspiration to expiration

We are made respiratory counterparts

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Thoughts of Sofia

I dropped you off at school today

We conversed on the way about imposter syndrome and the implications

I went off about my past employers and other such folk who seemed to deride a certain pleasure in feeding off of insecurities

Maybe I went on excessively, because you asked how long I planned on talking

I have a habit of soapboxing I suppose

We pulled up to the school and you let yourself out

I watched you walk away and resisted the temptation to shout out an embarrassing “Bye Sofia!!!”

Your introverted self would have been mortified

As I drove back home I found I was starting to sob. I caught myself because one must see to drive safely

I choked back those burning tears that had come rushing out with my sudden surge of emotion

You see, I was just thinking about how beautiful you are.  Your mind, your lovely compassionate soul, and your sweet little twelve year old, going on 20 face.

Turned up nose, cupie doll mouth, and dark blue eyes.

Only you don’t know it. You probably never will. I tell you sometimes anyways. I will continue to do so

I don’t want you to be conceited or anything like that

I just want you to realize all this beauty you possess- to never doubt the wonder of your precious femininity and inherent worth

I want you to understand that such beauty is a gift

And gift that it is, it must be given and shared

Reciprocated simply by living in gratitude and loving others

Recognizing and respecting the gift that also dwells within them

I want you to understand that there are those that will despise such beauty

And that you must never allow this gift to be disguised as something it is not or shut away by those who recognize it for what it is, but covet it  and seek to pervert it to something else instead

You see, if you cannot first recognize your own beauty, you cannot protect it and you cannot help others recognize and protect their own

I suppose all parents may feel this way. And without a doubt, I know Our Lord must too

How God must glory in the beauty of his creation

And how he must mourn at its degradation

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Reconciliation

I am sorry for those who never knew the want for tear

Who never yearned to make the long rips and ignite the nest of debris surrounding them

To set the world ( as we know it) aflame and walk away

Never even turning around to watch it burn

I am sorry

Sorry if it seems so frightening now

I don’t want you to be scared

And I would give you peace

As for myself

It has been a time of static brumation

And realizations late in life

For one who was always slower than most

Discovering that such unhealthy longings were tied in (like cancer round an organ) to something true and good

And of course it took The Great Surgeon to lovingly, expertly, start to separate the two

And He did, and He does

And now I know that even deep in my own depravity-there was gift

For though I feel the labor pains of this lost world

And suffer in watching my brothers and sisters double over in pain

Subjects to the painful contractions of the earth our bodies are tied to

I can also smile through the suffer, I can dance through the hurt

Because I know my true mother

Because I know my soul’s home

And I have spent a lifetime longing for the purge

And even as this world begins to fade and pass away

Curling in at the edges

Like an old photograph in the flames

The veil shimmers and I can see the rosy glow of that new life to come

From without, from within, shed this life, we shed this skin

After the burn, we will begin

The reconciliation of ourselves

Back to Him

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