I am tossing myself into this rolling ocean of “What ifs”. The smallest and most insignificant of stones.
Still, my ripple may matter the most to someone, somewhere.
I am watching the world play out like some mixed up rom-com tragedy.
The profane and horrific intertwined so tightly with the glorious and good.
I am learning stillness as a world of purposeless fury and desperate indirection buzzes around me-realizing that nothing matters much here, except for Love, and that Love makes everything matter the most.
I am seeing how precious life really is. Beautiful and fragile. Yet it is the choices that shape us, birth us, and make us become. And life – at least as we know it -is only a cover to be shed when all seems lost.
I am frantically making up for lost time. A lifetime spent in self absorbtion and a daily race towards an inevitable demise, now slowing down to live in each moment, knowing it may be my last. Loving each person like they are already dead and feeling the greater love God has for us all, sinner and saint alike.
I am failing every day, but I don’t mind as much as I used to.
It seems to be much more about the try -I hope they will know how much I tried.
And if I make it ( for all things are possible through God), if I can drown this old self inside, this wrinkled, stinking thing I used to think was me- raising up a Mary from a fallen Eve- then I pray that when I slip under for the last time, my final ripple may become a wave big enough to help push someone else, someone still struggling up on the surface, further up and farther in, and towards their way back home.